ANZA is proud to be supporting the R U OK? Foundation which encourages us to look out for signs that a friend, colleague or loved-one may be struggling with life. So, how are you feeling? asks Melissa Johnston.

“Are you ok?” Mmmm… seems like such a simple question, doesn’t it? But it is an important question that can make a real difference in the lives of people just like you and me.

I moved to Singapore in late 2012 and literally days later my marriage collapsed. I found myself in a foreign country with three kids under 10, no family, no friends and no job. I pretended I was alright for months.

Then half a year into this journey, my ex-husband moved out of our apartment and took the kids for his first ‘visitation’ weekend. It was my birthday. I remember waking that morning and for the first time ever, I could not get out of bed. I was not ok.

A friend who I had only known for a couple of months rang me that morning:
“Happy Birthday, Beautiful. Are you ok?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Just going to have a lazy day.”
“Great!” came the reply. “Hubby, the kids and I will be over in 10 minutes with bubbles and a birthday present.”
“No need – we can catch up another day. I’m still in bed”
“We’ll be there in 10 minutes – you can answer the door in your pyjamas or you can get out of bed and get dressed. Either way, we’ll see you in 10 minutes.”

She knew I was not ok.

Such a simple gesture, but one that literally saved me in that moment. It started with just asking if I was alright – but with the desire to really listen to the answer and not accept the typical brush off that most of us do.

There is such a fine line between being ok and being seriously not ok. And for expats, that line is sometimes harder to navigate than for most. In those early days we have so much to deal with – packing up homes, saying goodbyes, finding a new home, new job, new schools, integrating into a new culture, finding new friends! All without the typical support mechanisms we come to rely on like family and close friends.

ANZA is all about helping you find your new support network when you’re away from home. So ANZA is particularly pleased to join forces with the Australian International School (AIS) and suicide prevention charity, R U OK?.

WHAT IS R U OK?

In 1996, much-loved Barry Larkin was far from ok. His suicide left family and friends in deep grief and with endless questions. In 2009, his son Gavin Larkin chose to champion just one question to honour his father and to try and protect other families from the pain his endured. And with that R U OK? was born.

The Foundation is all about helping ordinary people play a role in stopping feelings of loneliness and isolation among family members, friends and workmates by having regular, meaningful conversations. It’s also their aim to help reduce the stigma around mental illness and suicide, as well as increase the likelihood that those who need it will access professional support sooner rather than later.

R U OK? is about prevention and early intervention. Their approach is based on the work of United States academic, Dr Thomas Joiner. After his father took his own life, Thomas focused his research on asking the question “Why?” His findings describe three forces at play in someone at risk.

The first is the person thinks they’re a burden on others; the second is that they think they can withstand a high degree of pain; and the third is they don’t feel connected to others.

This third force is why R U OK? places such a big emphasis on the power of connection.

By inspiring people to take the time to ask “Are you ok?” and listen, all of us can help people who are struggling with life, feel connected long before they go down a path that is more difficult to come back from (we have all experienced those three forces to some degree – let’s be honest).

It all comes down to regular, face-to-face, meaningful conversations.

R U OK?’s four steps to starting a life-changing conversation are: Ask, Listen, Encourage Action and Check-In. For conversation tips and help-seeking resources go to ruok.org.au/findhelp. Remember to ask the question and check-in with someone you care about today.

ANZA’S INVOLVEMENT

At all ANZA events from now on, you will hear us talk about R U OK? We will encourage you to reach out to those around you – new and old (us long termers have challenges too). We’ll encourage you to seek support if you don’t feel 100% – remember, that fine line, don’t think you have to deal with everything by yourself.

Check out the ANZA Action page for further details such as R U OK? materials and guidance to help you have the conversations that are needed. AIS will also provide this material to their students and we are piloting an app that will help kids check in on each other in that most modern of ways.

R U OK? isn’t a question to ask just one day a year. It is a mind-set you should employ every day of the year. Kindness and care cost nothing but deliver a lot.

Photographer Tatyana Kildisheva and her husband spent 20-days trekking the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal. She shares her experience with ANZA Magazine.

A couple of years ago, my partner John and I embarked on a trek through Nepal. The 230km-long route we chose, is considered one of the best in the world, passing through villages, crossing rivers, climbing mountains – including the famous Annapurna range – and descending into picturesque valleys. It offers a wide variety of climates from the tropics at 700m, along the path’s highest point of Thorong La Pass, which touches the edge of the Tibetan plateau, to the subarctic at 5,000m.
Because of the new road construction, the trek can now be done in about 10 days with less walking and more driving, however, we opted to take the ancient trade route. Having applied for a 90-day visa, we realised that we had the greatest gift imagined – plenty of time in a phenomenal country. It meant we could spend an extra day or two taking in the villagers’ way of life, interacting with the locals, tasting native food, and generally observing our surroundings. We were able to slow down and really appreciate what was around us.
At the beginning of our trip, we attempted a shorter trek in the east of the country, in the Langtang Valley. It was there, at about 3,000m above sea level, that I realised how prone I was to altitude sickness. It came unexpectedly and I went down with terrible headaches, shortness of breath and nausea. Thankfully, that was the highest point that we had to reach on that trek – and it left me realising I needed to be better prepared, to walk slower, spend more time recovering before moving up again and to stock up on lots of pills to alleviate the symptoms.
The Annapurna Circuit begins at Besisahar, in a subtropical valley with terraced farming. Trekkers share the muddy path curling upwards with villagers moving their yaks, goats and trade goods. Whilst we slowly traversed the trail, the temperature became colder with each 100m elevation and, at about 2,500m there was little vegetation, only rocks and mud.
We climbed to over 3,000m, reaching Pisang village and were greeted by lots of snow. None of the poorly constructed teahouses for trekkers provided any heating, but we considered ourselves lucky that there was a small stove for cooking where we could warm up a bit before going to sleep. At night, temperatures went down as low as minus 10 °C so we were super grateful for our comfy sleeping bags, although we were still shivering every night. I even slept with my camera batteries in my pockets to prevent them from discharging in the cold.

Unsurprisingly, Nepal is ethnically diverse and it shows on the smiling faces of the local people; the Mongolian, Tibetan, Chinese and Indian. They were very curious about us and the kids greeted trekkers with a traditional “namaste”, immediately followed by “chocolate?”. Buddhism and Hinduism are widely practiced but the higher altitude settlements are predominantly Tibetan Buddhist with quite a few ancient monasteries. The most remarkable one for us was Kag Chode Thupten Samphel Ling Monastery in Kagbeni village, just a few years shy of its 600th anniversary. We were allowed inside for the 6am prayer and breakfast with the young monks, who mindfully ate their Tibetan bread and drank their tea.
The scenery changed day-by-day as we climbed higher and higher and the magnificent mountains seemed close enough to reach out and touch. Such sights made us realise just how small and insignificant we were compared to the enormity of the Annapurna range.
Half way through the trek we reached Manang where we spent two days, acclimatising. It was the last village with electricity and a bucket of warm water for showering and laundry – so take full advantage should you ever find yourself there.
The settlement was in fact quite big; there was a volunteer doctor from the US staying in the village and giving lectures on how to recognise and deal with altitude sickness; and a ‘movie theatre’ where we watched Brad Pitt’s Seven Years in Tibet with our backs to the mountains. We also took a training trek up to a Buddhist monastery, to touch prayer wheels in the bitter cold, before scurrying back down.

Within a couple of days though, it was time to move on and we reached Gunsung, a village of only five houses, half of them destroyed by an avalanche. We witnessed cooking on a stove with yak dung, the only fuel available, because there is no wood in the mountains and no one carries it so high up.
It had only been 10 days at high altitude but our bodies were slowly breaking down; it was painful to breathe, the skin on our faces and hands were cracking, and our ears were ringing. Our boots, backpacks, and clothes were looking rough from all the walking on mud, tripping in yak poo and scrambling over rocks.
Our last night before attacking the Thorong La Pass was spent at 4,450m in a lodge so cold that my water bottle froze overnight. We started slowly ascending on fresh snow at 5am and watched the stunning sunrise over the snow-capped mountains. I glimpsed a few people walking the trail below us, and thought how tiny they looked compared to the colossal mountain giants around them. We had a quick photo at the summit with the 5,416m sign for proof as the strong wind and snow whipped around us, before we were ‘running’ down the other side of the mountain, trying to make it to the village below before night
fell. This part of the trek is often the longest, with some people taking 11 hours to finish – although thankfully we made it in much less time.
As we descended over the next 10 days, the path led us through a whole host of villages with interesting traditions, inquisitive people, local architecture and temples and even a distillery making brandy from apples.

While the views of the Himalayas, the roof of the world, are so breath-taking that I have no words to describe them, seeing this scenery comes at a price. For an average person having grown up in the clean and sterile environment of modern city-living with everything within easy reach, trekking through Nepal is quite a lot to adjust to.
Surprisingly, there are no technical mountain climbs on this trek, so really anyone could do it; however, simply being physically fit doesn’t necessarily equal completing it. We saw plenty of fit people turning around because of high altitude sickness or stomach problems as food hygiene standards in Nepal are so low that almost everyone gets sick. A few times we heard the whirring of a helicopter overhead which always meant someone was being evacuated due to sickness.
So, a few practical notes before you try to trek: You need a lot of time and patience, strong and comfortable boots, lots of warm clothes, a thermal sleeping bag, good backpack, hiking sticks and take paperbacks or a Kindle for when you finish for the day but there is still plenty of light and nothing to do. Essentials also include: all possible medicine you think you would need, plasters for your blisters (you will have plenty), good face cream, altitude sickness prevention tablets and, most importantly, water purification tablets. Also, don’t be shy to hire porters if you’re not strong enough to carry all your gear. For many Nepalese, being a porter is the only income they can provide for their families.
My takeaway from the trip is that climbing mountains is not as exhausting as having no access to the amenities that I take for granted at home like my comfortable bed, running water, a flushing toilet, clean clothes and food that I can stomach. A diet of Nepalese dal bhat (rice and lentils) didn’t provide the best, much-needed nutrition to cope with the physical endurance of the trek. Sleeping on wooden planks with no bedding, no shower and no washed clothes for days was quite unsettling as was using outdoor squat toilets during very cold nights.
Regardless, I feel incredibly lucky for having had the opportunity to visit Nepal, to experience high altitude trekking for the first time in my life, to be surrounded by such stunning scenery and having found the strength to finish.

With thanks to Tatyana Kildisheva of Kildi Photo.

Lawyer by day, comic and singer by night, come and see Priya Panwar at ANZA’s Hilarity for Charity event.

What’s the Day Job and why do you do it – bar paying the bills?
I’m an energy and infrastructure associate lawyer at a UK law firm based in Singapore. My days are usually filled with negotiating, drafting and sorting out disputes on big projects for airports, railways, toll roads and power plants including renewable energy such as solar and windfarms.

What do you love about your life away from the office?
My day job is serious, and consists of long hours, so I enjoy expressing myself creatively wherever possible, such as open mic comedy nights at Molly Malone’s or singing at open mic music at The Beast. I’ve performed locally at the Talk Cock comedy nights at Blu Jaz run by Comedy Club Asia as well as Comedy Masala which are Tuesday nights at Hero’s on Circular Road. I also performed at Kung Fu Komedy in Shanghai recently.

How did you get started? Do you have a ‘give it a go’ attitude?
I’m a ‘Jack of all trades; master of none’! I try to pack in as much life as I can so I pretty much say “yes” to most things. But I was the class clown in school, so standing up and making a fool of myself is nothing new. I’ve been composing songs and singing since I was little and, back in Queensland, I was in an a cappella group called Soulstice Brisbane which even competed nationally just like the movie, Pitch Perfect. My guitar skills are mostly self-taught, but I’m now getting lessons to improve my technique.

How do you juggle keeping on track with your career with your passions?
The key is to enjoy whatever it is you are doing at the time you are doing it, put your best foot forward and have confidence. I don’t think about work after hours and I don’t think about comedy or music when I’m at work. They do say that most litigation lawyers are frustrated actors, and since I no longer do advocacy, I was probably missing the adrenalin that comes with being somewhat witty in public places.

When someone asks “What do you do?” – do you say you’re a multi-hyphenate?
I try to be vague. If I say lawyer, it either kills the conversation or a comparison to the show Suits is drawn and I inevitably disappoint! I don’t say I’m a comedian either, because I only do it as a hobby and frankly, paying bills in Singapore wouldn’t be possible as a full-time stand-up, unless I wanted to live on chicken rice and Chinese tea. I think making it a job would also take away the fun. Plus I’m not sure MOM would be super keen on it either! Goodbye EP…

What would you advise people who feel they’re stuck in a rut?
This sounds trite, but you only have one life! What is the point of living with “what ifs?” Juggling multiple things does mean you have to be disciplined with your time and sacrifice something; for me, it’s sleep!

How does Singapore help in adding strings to your bow?
Being an expat in Singapore gives you fresh perspectives. I’m more aware that my Aussie slang and broader ‘occa’ accent was all but incomprehensible to my non-Aussie colleagues and friends. I was forced to adapt. Also accepting that not everyone else knows or cares about Brisbane was also a bitter pill to swallow. But again, I have adapted and moved on.

What can people expect at ANZA’s Hilarity for Charity?
Well I’ll be having a good time up there, that’s for sure! Come and join us on Wednesday 18 April at the Hard Rock Café on Orchard, raising funds for I2 Prephouse. Get your tickets here.